Can I take breast pills?

Question: Good morning, my name is Marion. I am 54 years old, and last year I went through menopause. It was a rough patch for me. The symptoms are pretty annoying, the flushes, and the mood swings. Thank goodness all that went away with the patches. The thing is, my breasts just seemed to disappear, vanish away, into thin air. All the nice clothes I had seemed to have belonged to somebody else. I am broken hearted. I am no longer happy with myself, I don’t feel like sharing any intimacy moments with my husband any more, I do not want him to see me like this.

Due to a preexisting condition with my skin -it does not heal very neatly, and red nasty marks seem to remain forever- there is no way I will submit myself to surgery. So tell me, do you think there is something I can do to revitalize this old body of mine? Yours sincerely, Prune.

Dear Prune: it is so good that you have contacted us with these questions. We have the right solution for you. There is a new line of herbal breast pills that will help you to actually grow new breast tissue, the same way it happened when you were a teen-ager. The active ingredients present will stimulate your hormones, and they will cause the mammary gland to generate new adipose tissue. The prostaglandins, that is, what the breast pills are made of, are extracts derived of exotic plants.